Any chance you could be pregnant?

Today my husband and I took our daughter in for an appointment at the Orthopaedic department at Nelson hospital for her thumb which has been bent permanently for months, not unlike trigger finger. It is not known why. She will be having a small operation to correct it within the next six weeks if all goes to plan.

The radiologist asked me Any chance you could be pregnant? at Nelson hospital this afternoon as I held my daughter's hand in place for a thumb x-ray, clad in a lead apron. No, I said as I shook my head. Of course they have to ask - especially since I was there with my preschooler. It wouldn't be unlikely now would it.

I had a flashback up at the hospital today. It is hard to not be reminded of my daughter's birth since she was born in the one and only hospital in Nelson. I remembered our antenatal class and how we visited the hospital one hot Summers night and saw the delivery rooms with the courtyards. I said to my husband today I had visualised walking around in one of the courtyards during labour, as well as using a swiss ball and a bath. However, I had an emergency c-section so my plans fell to the wayside. It was good to be reminded of this today as in the end it all turned out fine even though my daughter's delivery was very different to what I'd hoped and imagined.

Today I don't feel bitter about the whole TTC/IF ordeal. The heaviness around it all seems to have gone. I do still have the pangs of longing though. At Playgroup today my daughter's friend had her arm around her six month old sister in a tender moment. That makes my heart melt. I don't want to hear too much about others pregnancies and babies yet at the same time I'm okay hearing small tidbits of information. Hopefully this means I'm beginning to make some peace with my situation. Even when my daughter talked about a "little wister" (probably in reference to her friend's little sister) this afternoon my heart didn't break quite as much as it might have. Instead, I thought how cute, she's starting to notice babies.