I've booked a counselor

Well I am sick and tired of the mood swings of the last few months. They are a combination of a number of things: the secondary infertility deal, having no periods for so long/a hormonal imbalance and just general change as I adjust to a new chapter of mummyhood as my daughter approaches Kindy.

Writing this blog has only illustrated how up and down I really am. So I booked a counseling session in a couple of weeks (Feb 19).The rate was negotiated to $40NZ an hour which is pretty good. Originally it was $85NZ but I said we couldn't really afford that at this point. It's on a Tuesday night at 5.15pm so I can whizz into town once my husband gets home and have my session. I was hoping to get my wee weekend job first but that hasn't happened. Clearly self-care is my main priority at this point.

I am absolutely loving the gym. I went to bodyjam tonight and had a ball. It is so much fun going to a dance class. Last night I went to bodybalance which is the Yoga/Pilates/Tai Chi class. I enjoyed that too. There are so many classes to choose from so at this point the gym is very new and exciting. It definitely was a very good thing for me to sign up for right now.

I have been thinking about my daughter and her behavioural issues of late. I will never know but I do think she has been subtly affected by my mood swings. Now that I have created space in my life for me, I feel I have more to give all over again. I don't want to wish away these last few pre-Kindy months as I won't get them back again. So today I made a real effort to play with her as much as possible at home. I cut down how much tv she watched in the morning too. And we both had a great time at music today which has just started again after the Summer recess. As of next week she's back to an organised activity every morning, so we will have the afternoons for mother and daughter time.

I find music class is where I get particularly triggered around bumps and newborns. The class is always changing, with a bump or a baby in every class. I guess after the six week break it's really in your face how many Mums have moved on with their new additions in various stages. I'm also conscious of the fact that many Mums, who know I'm a Mum of one, speak to my belly initially! One Mum did ask today how many children I had to which I replied "Just the one at this point."

I spoke to a Mum today I know from both Playgroup and Music who is pregnant with her 4th child! Her 2nd child was conceived on Clomid and she had to use Provera initially to get a fake period. It's always nice to hear real-life success stories.