For those who aren't up with the fertility jargon; Aunt Flo (AF) translates to a menstrual cycle. She is referred to a lot on Dailystrength and many other sites focused on women's issues.
It is because of AF not arriving for many months that I am in this infertile mess. And I miss her. I miss my monthly cycle. Until AF stopped being regular, I had no idea just how much she grounded me every month. Without her I don't know where I'm at. I miss PMS and the hint that AF is on her way. It was always a relief to get AF and realise that yes, that is why I am one grumpy bear. She was my right to be moody and irritable. She justified my shitty behaviour.
Without AF I feel as though I am in a permanent state of PMS. Yesterday a former co-worker popped round and shared her health issues with me; lack of AF being one of them. She's not TTC yet from the outside I could tell her messed up cycles were affecting her emotionally on some level. It was a confirmation that although many of the emotional ups and downs of the last twelve months or more can be attributed to my infertile woes; they are connected to some kind of hormonal imbalance that is going on.
I feel cheated out of my womanhood somehow not having a monthly cycle. I never thought I would miss the monthly ritual of tampons and pads but the truth is I feel ripped off not having regular periods. If AF returned back to normal, I'm sure I would feel a whole lot better.
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