My consolation prize

I've realised lately that I tend to think there should be some kind of consolation prize with secondary infertility. I guess I've been desperately searching for the silver lining in the big black cloud known as infertility (IF).

I thought joining the gym was one of my consolation prizes. However I have seen a few Mums, and particularly Mums-of-two or more, at the gym as well. Good on them - they probably need the time-outs more than I do. But I couldn't help but think How dare they have it all! the first couple of times I spied Mums-of-two at the gym.

Any Mum can enter the work-force at any stage of motherhood - that is a woman's preogative. I thought perhaps I was escaping the hum-drum of suburbia with my upcoming weekend job. However I know many Mums working all sorts of hours - many with two children.

I saw a Mum from our antenatal class this morning after my daughter's swimming lesson. She was there with her second child who is now eighteen months for a lesson while her husband took their daughter (obviously my daughter's age) to gymnastics. She is an athletic woman who reentered the work-force when her first child was quite young. She never gave up sport or work for motherhood.

We are very different women in the respect that I'm only reaching that stage now of making more time for me. Although I've always given myself some me time, it has been on quite a small scale. I was/am one of those Mums who sacrificed a lot for motherhood, because I wanted to. That was how I approached motherhood knowing that when my daughter started Kindy, time for me would start freeing up like it is now.

However should I fall pregnant again I do wonder if I might approach motherhood differently the second time round. I'm not sure I'd want to give up the gym for instance as I'm enjoying it so much. I won't know how I'll feel unless it happens, of course.

But had I gotten pregnant easily, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have joined the gym, signed up for counseling, started going to church more regularly, or looked for a weekend job. So even though any Mum at any time could do any of these things it's of course about me, and not other Mums. I have being given time to focus on me for a bit. That is my consolation prize.