A late bloomer

As I've started the process of resurrecting some lost dreams, or dreams that have been shelved because of SIF, I've been reflecting about re-thinking the timing of when things happen in life. I guess in many ways I feel like a bit of a late-bloomer. I'm three months off forty and yet I perhaps haven't achieved some of the milestones deemed typical or normal in society.

House ownership is an aspiration for the average Kiwi family and many New Zealanders get a foot on the property ladder quite early on. Although I have some friends the same age who haven't yet bought their own homes, most people I know my age have. At the moment home ownership is out of reach for many Kiwis anyway given the wide gap between the cost of owning your own home and the rising costs of living (petrol, food) and then the kind of wages that are offered in this country. Nelson where we live pays "sunshine wages" - a sore spot for many Nelsonians since Nelson is one of the most expensive places to buy a home, with wages that simply don't support the lifestyle we are deemed to have here.

In some ways it has been a case of bad timing for us around buying our own home. My husband and I met in our early thirties and I came with my share of student debt which I spent the early part of our relationship paying off. Then we got married, I fell pregnant shortly afterwards and we've been down to one income for the last three years albeit casual jobs/freelancing work I've done.

I've realised lately I have to let go of when house ownership will come a reality for us. Obviously we can continue saving for a house deposit, but putting that pressure on myself of owning our own home by the time I'm forty is just as bad as declaring I will be a MOT by the time I'm forty.

I've decided that so long as I'm/we're doing the footwork around owning our own home - it will happen for us. Maybe in a year, maybe two, maybe five. I won't work outside of Kindy and school times over the next few years so am going to have to be creative on how I could bring some extra income into the home. Once again the uncertainty of a second child coming along impacts on these kinds of decisions a little as I have to plan around a possible pregnancy when thinking of taking on new employment. Home-based employment seems to be the best way around this quandary.

I have also been reflecting how I don't feel as though I've yet fulfilled my life's purpose. My passion is as a writer and I do think my life's purpose is connected to that. So last night I signed up with a New Zealand self-publishing web site. I'm going to do it - write two books about SIF! One will be a personal account of the trails and tribulations of SIF - the themes, emotions, and stages as experienced by yours truly. The other a daily inspirational type book for the SI. Watch this space - I will certainly be keeping you updated!

I felt quite excited once I signed up with the self-publishing web site last night. It feels like I've made a personal commitment to start the ball rolling to fulfill a writing dream - to write my own book. Also it feels like a form of therapy. It's like bottling up all the angst of the last few months and letting go of it - hopefully - on some level.

So I'm thinking my forties are going to be about achieving some life dreams - house ownership, publishing my first book and perhaps, just perhaps - achieving a second shot at motherhood. I guess you will have to watch this space for that one too!