Self-worth

The healer lady on Tuesday said towards the end of the session that what had come up very strongly for me this time was self-worth. Since then several layers have revealed themselves around that issue - particularly the underlying fact that I have very low self-worth at this point in time. Two years of SIF have contributed to this; but it goes much deeper than that - it's something I haven't had much of most of my life. It isn't quite the same as self-esteem as described within Leo Bogee Jr's excellent description of self-worth.

The Lessons For Living site also claims that "Self-worth differs from self-esteem. Self-worth is what you are born with. As one of the creations of the universe you are worthwhile and have value, which cannot be taken from you. You can’t lose it, but you can lose sight of it. You can forget your value."

I have lost sight of my self-worth. It feels like I have to start all over again, in a sense, and rebuild it. On the All About Life Challenges site they say that "Nothing depreciates self-worth faster than regret, anger, or fear." Well I have been in a place of both anger and fear for many, many months. It has caused me to lose sight of my own self-worth.

This emotional exploration is starting to make sense. I had to go way, way back to turn it around, I suppose. I've had some significant dreams lately too and have recorded them. The dreams are about fear and about losing my self-worth a long time ago. They are pretty intense.

My quivering self-worth explains why I often don't proceed past a certain point in several areas in my life. They say you have to love yourself before you can have a healthy intimate relationship with another adult. I do have self-love, I believe. However surely as a parent or parent-to-be a healthy dosage of self-worth is also required. I had enough self-worth to bring one child into the world - but enough self-worth to bring a second one into the world? I'm not sure.

I really identify with what is written on The Not Alone site about the heart of self-worth: "If you observe your life very closely, you will discover that you don't necessarily get what you deserve. Rather, you get no more and no less than what you believe you deserve. Only to the degree that you appreciate your innate human worthiness will your subconscious mind open up to life's bounty. Success involves talent, effort, and creativity, but first of all, it requires a willingness to receive." That is the missing piece of the puzzle for me!! - I do have a lot going for me but I cannot seem to get past the feeling that I am not worthy a lot of the time for great things. Clearly, this is what I need to work on.

I feel like I have exposed a "core issue" and that's a relief. It means although some more emotional digging might be required on my part; I have scraped the surface.