I feel like hell physically. I'm day three into a cold/flu with high fevers, achy muscles and ears, and a horrendous cough. It sure is tough being an at-home Mum at times like this. My daughter is a day ahead of me with the same virus so we've had a very low-key week so far. I have been thinking at least I do only have one child to look after - I cannot imagine being sick and having a preschooler and a baby to look after, for instance.
I think I am at the beginning of making some sort of peace with the God of my understanding around my baby number two desires. Perhaps it isn't Gods will for me - perhaps it is. I really have to surrender my desire to Him and trust he'll deliver me with the best outcome for me. I have to be okay with His decision if another biological child isn't in the wings. And if He decides to bless our family with another baby then it will feel like a small miracle.
I've been thinking I'm going to have to just carry on with life as if another baby isn't coming as living in a holding pattern for so many months has felt so suffocating. This means thinking ahead to next year and what I might do for work once my daughter goes to morning Kindy. I had been hoping there would be a baby at home to look after during my daughter's Kindy years; but who knows - that may or may not happen.
I haven't given up. I'm just been realistic, I think. A second child is a possibility for us but it's not a probability which means life has to go on.
1 comment:
A very good Zen attitude to have. This is how I try to act. I know I often feel like our family is not complete, but I try to act and remember that this is our family today and we need to enjoy what we have together and the day we've been given.
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