Time to refuel

As per last night's post, I am in PHASE Two of my SIF merry-go-round. At this stage I am defeated, worn out and in dire need of some R&R, after too much navel-gazing as per PHASE One.

My shoulders and back ache, I am in the early stages of the cold/flu my daughter has, my mind is pure SIF mush and I cannot remember the last time I connected properly with the God of my understanding. So I am going to take extra good care of myself this week - early nights, hot baths, meditation/time for God while keeping my week as simple as possible.

When I had a course of acupuncture treatments last year my acupuncturist theorized that the reason I had long cycles was because my body wasn't strong enough to "have a bleed." She seemed to think it would take around two years post my c-section/losing my ovary for things to right themselves. Well it's three years and almost three months on and I'm still in the same boat. But then of course I'm now getting over my recent laparotomy which was five and a half weeks ago. I don't feel strong physically, emotionally or spiritually right now so perhaps my body is too weak to cope with regular cycles. Or at least it is still sorting itself out post-op this time round. I don't know. I have to be honest; I don't feel strong enough to start a pregnancy right now. I will phone my gyno's surgery this week to ask what comes next since I'm on stand-by for Clomid and AF is ten days late.

I feel like I've been a bit overloaded with fertility/infertility talk too. I know there are so many approaches too out there on how to fix things. Most involve cash and we don't have any spare at the moment. So all I can do is turn inward and heal what lies within - which is no doubt pretty powerful in itself. I also think I will be checking into Dailystrength a little less this week. I get so much out of reading all the SIF journals but I think I need to not read them for a few days. My brain really needs a SIF time-out. That said, I will no doubt still blog but I won't be cutting and pasting my excerpts or links into Dailystrength this week.

Overall I just feel like it's a time of being extra kind to myself. I had a rough emotional reaction around the lack of ovulation post-surgery in my first cycle. I am now pulling myself up off the ground and dusting myself off again!