The Resentment Prayer

I have been feeling so challenged about my MOT resentments lately that I googled resentment and secondary infertility. As awful as it is to feel like this, it is reassuring that it is a normal process of SIF - I am not just being a jealous bitch! However, I don't want to feel like this. I'm hoping The Resentment Prayer as below will help me with this:

Resentment Prayer

The AA Big Book gives a great strategy for dealing with and overcoming resentment. Pray a resentment prayer for someone you resent for two weeks (even if you don't feel like it or want to) and see what affect it has on you. Ask for everything you want in your life for the person/s you resent. Below is a prayer I came across, author unknown, that I have used when I identify resentments I want to address.

Father, I ask You to bless (insert name of person for whom you are holding resentment). Show them a new revelation of Your love and power. Holy Spirit, I ask You to minister to their spirit at this very moment. Where there is pain, give them Your peace and mercy. Where there is self-doubt, release a renewed confidence through Your grace. Bless their homes, families, finances, their goings and their comings. In Jesus' precious name, Amen. (sourced from The Genesis Project)

The below is an extract from an article Your biological clock is ticking by Dr Miriam Stoppard. It is proof to me that these crazy feelings that come with SIF are experienced by most women going through the same thing.

Infertility roller coaster

AS I can attest, emotional effects of secondary infertility are identical to those of primary infertility.

Women being treated for secondary infertility are just as depressed and anxious as women who don't already have a child.

Moreover, people with secondary infertility have to cope with emotional issues not faced by childless patients. Here are a few of them:

GUILT: Many people feel guilty because they feel they should be grateful for the child they have. They are grateful, but that doesn't take away the longing for another. This desire is just as urgent, desperate and all-consuming as it was the first time around.

JEALOUSY AND RESENTMENT: Normally rational people often find it difficult to think clearly about infertility; the pain, longing and frustration simply overwhelm logic. It's easy to be jealous of every pregnant woman and resentful of every woman with a new baby.

ANGER: Some parents get really angry when people fail to understand the way they feel and get tired of people telling them to be thankful for the baby they have.

LETTING YOUR FIRST BABY DOWN: Questions from your first baby can be tough, sometimes innocently adding to your heartache. One of the most poignant experiences is when your child begins to ask if they can have a brother or sister.

You feel you're letting your first child down. Your first child can make you think twice about treatment. If you're already a parent, it's hard to justify the high cots of infertility treatment.

EMOTIONAL ISOLATION: Secondary-infertile couples often find themselves in a kind of no-man's land. As parents already, they can get short shrift from the infertility clinic, which is apt to see them as ungrateful for the child they have.

And if you're the parent of a small child, it's difficult to avoid pregnant women and newborn babies everywhere you go. You feel isolated at playgroup and mother and baby clinics.