SIF and it's affect on relationships

As any SI will attest, SIF has the potential to pollute even the strongest of relationships. Because so much of my time and energy goes into keeping afloat while dealing with SIF; I don't have a whole lot to give to those I love and care about. It worries me. I have historically being the one in the majority of my relationships who has kept things rolling.

Because SIF is such a big part of who I am right now, it is difficult maintaining friendships on a light level. It is probably my close friendships where this is most apparent rather than casual friendships or acquaintances out there who don't know me so well. I am afraid that SIF will drive an ugly wedge between me and two of my close friends in particular (if it hasn't already).

As friend no.1's pregnancy looms closer, I find it harder to deal with her impending MOT status (on some level). I feel we've lost some emotional closeness because of SIF and that upsets me. I can't and shouldn't project too much into the future but what say I cannot conceive another child? I'm pretty sure I will find any MOTs quite painful to be around for a while, no matter how close I am to them. But I'm not there yet. I'm still in with a chance so I ought to just believe that for now.

I am scared for friend no.2 who has been TTC her first child for well over two years. What if she can't conceive at all? I'm afraid that infertility will impact our friendship long-term. Just like with friend no.1, some of the emotional closeness has disappeared from our friendship. It might only be subtle but I feel it. It is not fair that my close friendships have altered as a consequence of SIF.

SIF is not good for a marriage either. It's subtle in nature as to how SIF is affecting our union but it is. I certainly don't want to imply there is anything majorily wrong just that SIF (like any crisis) highlights the strengths and weaknesses in a marriage. I have read that IF is one of the most stressful things a marriage could face. If you can survive IF, you can survive anything. With SIF you have the stress of parenthood combined with IF which is an interesting dynamic. Between looking after your child and focusing on TTC the next one, there isn't much time and energy left to nurture what should be the most important thing of all - your marriage.

I guess right now I am missing the emotional closeness I used to have with some very significant people in my life. I hope this is just temporary - that once SIF is over things can hopefully resume to normal. I need to make more of an effort perhaps to draw closer to those I care for deeply as I don't want to lose any of them more than I have already if I can help it.