I have felt a shift over the last couple of days. I feel like I have (once again) handed my baby dreams over to God. All I can do is to keep on keeping on with the footwork around SIF while keeping the focus on my daily life. Easier said than done, most of the time.
I actually had a good day yesterday. I say actually as I have been haunted with this underlying melancholy for the last few weeks if not months which has pretty much affected how much happiness I am able to feel.
I met up with two MOTs at an indoor playground which all kids just love. My daughter has been talking about it all week so was pretty rapt to go. (We went last week too). We were there for three hours and she was on the go the whole time. I helped my MOT friends out with their second children every now and then who are both about a year old. Their eldest children are at Kindy with my daughter. I helped them with their kids in a natural, caring kind of a way. There was no resentment - just a twinge of sadness watching the two-sibling combos together.
I saw a MOTH-to-be at the same indoor playground that I know vaguely through the Music classes I used to take my daughter in. That is what does my head in more than MOTs these days. The Mums who just seem to be spitting them out! It just seems so unfair that some women go on to have three or four kids.
Apart from some resentment from sighting the above MOTH-to-be; I felt relatively free (from the despair of SIF) yesterday. It seems if I can just focus on Living in the Now as much as possible I will be rewarded with a greater sense of peace. So that is my aim; to try to stay in the present as much as possible.
We're heading off on our wee overnight trip later this morning so I need to go and do some packing now. I'm very much looking forward to a family adventure!
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