We had an awesome overnight trip away in the weekend. It was definitely something we needed to do as a family - just to go away and have a wee adventure. We stayed on an actual farm aptly called Old MacDonalds farm that had sheep, llamas, chooks and peacocks on it. Our cabin was pretty basic with no loo or shower (they were by the main office) and the kitchen was located outside the cabin. It was fun cooking outside with the chooks and peacocks hoverting around.
The highlight of the weekend was a three hour cart-ride/horse ride that happened spontaneously as we saw the cart walking through the farm. Several families joined the cart along the way and we eventually went to a paddock where two horses were saddled up so the six children could all have a horse ride each. I helped lead one of the horses which I enjoyed. Our daughter loved the horse-ride - she looked pretty confident up there and relished her ten minute ride.
There were two lots of siblings out of the six children on the horse excursion. At one point there was an photo opportunity for our little family and the guy in charge asked Is this your whole family? as he looked around as if expecting another child to appear as he was about to take the photo. Ouch.
The whole point of our overnight adventure was to celebrate our family of three. But I did find myself thinking silly little thoughts along the way. Like how we had five beds in our cabin (one double, one single and a bunk bed) and we could have easily squeezed in another child or two. Although our daughter had a great time with us she definitely perks up when there are other children around. I feel sad that the reality is our daughter may get bored at times on future family trips. We can only stimulate her so much and nothing takes the place of other children. Sure if we pick family-orientated spots to holiday in she'll have the opportunity to interact with other kids. But there will still be periods of time in which she's stuck with her parents. I guess we'll just have to make our trips as fun and relaxed as possible.
On the other side of the coin, a friend recently disclosed to me her own pain around not having any kids. This isn't to do with infertitity - this is to do with circumstances - being single in her early forties. I really sympathise with her - I do. And actually, I have a few friends in that situation. Those who would have liked kids find it very hard to understand what comes across as a selfish longing of mine - wanting more of what I already have.
I know it's a case of not being to understand what simply is a craving for another child. Oh I wish I didn't have it. I really do. I feel riddled with guilt a lot of the time because I'm not satisfied with one child. Only fellow SIs really understand the paradox of being so in love with your current child while pining for another. I even get the feeling from MOTs that I should just darn well accept the way things are and be grateful and happy for what I have. I just don't understand how they cannot get it as they watch on proudly as their two children play together.
If anything, amongst all the misunderstandings of SIF from the outside, I wish people would just try to understand that the pain us SIs feel is so very real. None of us are ungrateful for what we already have. We just have a very deep desire for another child that is mostly out of our reach. Desires are real - they just are what they are. It's a pretty natural desire too just like wanting to get married, to buy a house, or to go on an overseas trip. Desires are what keep us moving in life. Without them we would become pretty stale. The irony is the average SI feels pretty stale while sitting in standstill mode a lot of the time. But it's not forever. This desire for another child will lead to better things in some form or another. I believe that.
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