On the right track

I have felt so much better since my Will has essentially been aligned with God's Will. I wanted a certain outcome - another biological child - for what felt like a very long time. Yet it was a desire that always felt so out of reach, unobtainable and very unlikely. I always had this deep sense of desperation that I was grasping for a dream that was virtually an impossibility.

This is perhaps why it has really irked me when people have told me to just accept what is. Easier said than done when it is a very strong, natural desire. Every one of us is different in the SIF game and we all process things in our own way and time. I think what I've always found frustrating is when an "outsider" (someone who has never experienced IF) tries really badly to put themselves in my shoes. They seem to think that once it's indicated conception looks unlikely that you should accept it then and there and then move on.

Saturday night I went to a pot-luck dinner at a friend's house with seven women and the hosts husband. We are all Mums. There were three MOOs (including me), three MOTs and one MOFI (mother of five!) Conversaton was varied and lively and touched on motherhood occasionally. I only had a glass of wine but most of the women were knocking it back. So eventually the conversations became a bit more sensitive. I was put on the spot by one of the MOTs who asked about my SIF. Luckily for her I was in an okayish place with it all. I just said it looked like it was pretty much all over - I was probably in premature menopause blah-de-blah. Some said oh and then the conversation changed direction.

A MOO sitting next to me (I'd only met her that night) revealed that she'd like a second child but was back at work full-time and was wary about giving up her job, among some other reasons for TTC just now. She was thirty-six and said she wondered if her fertility might have diminished given her age. She said she was grateful for the child she had and said if another one never came along then she'd accept it as many women couldn't have any children at all. She also said that was all I could do too - move on and accept the way things have turned out.

My blood didn't boil at her comments but I did feel annoyed just around the whole misconception (once again) of what SIF is all about. Sure, most of us SI's get to acceptance eventually because we have no choice, do we. But I would never say to anyone, whatever they are going through in life that they should just "get over it." Would you say to someone grieving the death of a spouse a year on that it was time to move on? No, you wouldn't. I just think us SI's deserve more understanding and respect that we get.

I know this MOO meant well and she is a lovely woman. But I do wonder should she TTC a second child in the future how she'll feel if any fertility issues emerge. I'm not actually angry at all though. I feel so much better now I've started the ball rolling around adoption - even though all I've done is made a phone-call and left a message. Hopefully I get called back today.