Appointment prosponed

I prosponed the appointment with Adoption Services this afternoon until Monday as I still am quite riddled with a cold. The guy appreciated the fact we weren't coming in breathing germs all over him of course. And Monday is only four days away.

I'm feeling pretty good about things. I even went to my daughter's former Playgroup today to pick up a dress from a MOO friend I'm borrowing for Halloween tomorrow night. I stayed there for just under an hour as my daughter was enjoying getting reacquainted with the toys there. I didn't know a lot of the Mums so I guess a few have moved on in the last few months. The Head Teacher asked how I was doing as she knew a little about my SIF experiences. I told her I had accepted it was all over for me. I didn't go into the adoption thing with her though - I guess as things progress I will tell more people but at the moment we're at the very early stages so I'm only telling close friends and family - and the readers of my blog.

Right after I'd said I'd accepted my fate pretty much, this Head Teacher told me about a MOTH-to-be who was in hospital right then giving birth to her third child. A girl and she already had her name picked out. She then mentioned a MOF-to-be who is due with her fourth child of course sometime soon. Excuse me for not jumping up and down on the spot. I think sometimes when you tell people you have accepted a situation they think you are over it and that's so not the case. I've accepted I cannot have another biological child but I do not like it. I've accepted a lot around what this all means but I have a long way to go before I don't bat an eyelid when a bump or a newborn baby appear in front of me. To me acceptance means I'm at the beginning stages of letting go. It's a much better place to be in, but a broken heart doesn't heal over night.