Yesterday was a very hard day. I have felt quite emotional on Clomid this time round. I decided to call my Dr to get my blood results from last Friday. They were meant to be sent out to me, but weren't. Anyway, the receptionist said she'd get the nurse to call me back, which she did, but she didn't know how to interpret my results. She said there was a note or something saying the results confirmed my "ovaries are not doing their thing." Then she said she'd have to get a Dr to call me back.
What the fuck??!! How dare she deliver me half-news like that over the phone in a completely unprofessional manner. I have been beside myself with fear, worry and enormous grief. I am absolutely devastated right now as I fear the results are not far away that will reveal what is actually going on with me. I fear my personal diagnosis of premature menopause/perimenopause is spot-on.
My Dr is away so another one is meant to phone me this week. I shan't hold my breath! Instead I will try my gyno's surgery this morning where I asked a copy of the blood tests to also go and see if I can get some sense out of them. If not, I will have to wait til next week to talk to my actual Dr.
Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
I have been begging with God to stop this. I don't want to waste any more time in infertile suspense. I cried so much yesterday that my eyes hurt today. If this really is the end of the road for me (like it truly feels it is), why can't I just frickin' know this for sure? Why God, why can't you show me for once and for all what is going on?
I feel numb today but yesterday it was very much like I was grieving a death. I so don't want it to be the case that this is it for me but if it is, I'd rather just know.
1 comment:
When I took Clomid, I found that it heightened my stress, anxiety, and depression. All I did was cry. I know it affects everyone differently though.
So sorry you have to deal with scant answers and half information. Hope your doctor returns soon and can speak with you right away!!
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