I've started (slowly) telling friends and family about my "news". Each time I tell someone it makes it more real, my denial is chipped away just a little bit more and I am forced to accept my reality. Boy do I hate it. I am so very, very angry with God right now. As my husband said this morning I will need to forgive God. I know. But I have a way to go at this point.
The tears have been flowing and I want to just stay in bed for a week and sleep and cry. I am so exhausted with all these emotions that are being released. I feel so flat. I went to bodycombat last night and had nothing much to give. The fight in me is gone as the fight is over and I feel well and truly defeated. I have been in this "fighting infertility" mode for so long that it is what I became. Now I don't know what I am. I feel lost all over again.
I am going to phone my gyno's surgery today about my recent blood test results as it seems ridiculous to do another round of Clomid at this point. It will be interesting to see how he interprets the results.
1 comment:
I know you've done a lot of things, but I do recommend you read Julia Indichova's books. She also was diagnosed with premature ovarian failure. She was able to overcome it, but I also like how she discusses what drives us to want children, how to identify the hurt within us and how to reconcile our path forward, even if it is adoption or another path.
Lots of hugs.
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