I've been making a conscious effort these last few days to talk to God a bit more. I have been asking that if it isn't in His plan that I have another child, that he take away my desire to have one. That's all part of surrendering. I know years ago when I surrendered some big stuff in my life it took a long time for My Will to be aligned with God's Will. I trusted He had better plans than I did but I still had a lot of grieving to do until I'd let go of my wants at that time.
Turns out God did have a much better plan that I did back then. I am having to trust that once again God has something wonderful in store for me around all this. It doesn't mean I'll necessarily fall pregnant either. There will be a silver lining in the cloud - an unexpected gift. I have a few months to go at least until I'll find out what the unexpected gift is.
I was pleasantly surprised to get a letter in the mail for my ultrasound appointment for my cyst yesterday. I am a little skeptical around hospital appointments. So I was impressed my gyno kept his word and that an appointment was made at the hospital within the time-frame stipulated. My pelvic ultrasound is Monday 14 April, so not too far away. I got the appointment letter in the mail shortly after I'd been chatting to God about accepting His Will - whatever it is. There is certainly some power in Letting Go and Letting God.
I took my daughter to a Kindy playgroup yesterday which is held once-a-term for all the children on the waiting list. The earliest she'll get in is June this year. One of the Kindy teachers asked if I had any other children. When I said no she said "You won't know yourself" (with all that extra time once my daughter's in Kindy). I said I'd find things to do! It's only two hours a time, three afternoons a week. To be honest I'm looking forward to the Kindy stage. My daughter's ready and I think we've both grown past the Playgroup we've been going to since she was six months old. Obviously I'll still have connections with other parents at Kindy but it'll be a different dynamic than Playgroup. Playgroup is like a small community for Mums and their offspring in the area so you naturally get to know all the Mums attending. Over time there have been more and more second children and bumps added to the mix. I am looking forward to not being amongst that twice a week as it is so very much in my face right now.
I've had to make amends to friend no. 1 (again!) for lashing out a bit. As she's one of my closest friends and pregnant with her second child I get so very jealous and have had to admit that. It feels good though to have established that with her the IF stuff is a no-go area. It is just easier at this time for both of us.
I am not a complete Mum-of-two (MOT) hater though! My friend/neighbour who has two children (her youngest is seven months old) said the other day "What would I do without you?" which was lovely as I frequently look after her older daughter at Playgroup alongside mine while she attends to her baby. Her eldest had a wee accident on Tuesday and I changed her so that's where the comment came from. I adore her girls. Her youngest recognises me and I get lots of smiles. Though contact with her always pulls at my heart-strings; it is also somewhat healing to have a baby around that I am bonded with at this time. It means I get to have baby hugs and it helps in a strange kind of a way.
No comments:
Post a Comment