Recently I described IF as being an invisible condition. It isn't the sort of "diagnosis" that is obvious to the naked eye. Us secondary infertiles blend into the world of Mums and bumps. Yet many of us feel estranged from the Mums parading around us with their two children or more. Bumps thrust in front of us are always a painful reminder of what hasn't happened up to this point.
This morning I was in a good space at Playgroup. I felt present, and happy. Then a Mum-of-two (MOT) told me she was pregnant with her third child! The wind was blown out of my sails then and there. What?! I was thinking. But your second child is only just over a year old, that is so unfair!! I smiled brightly. Congratulations. Now please move on and leave it at that. After all this was a MOT who I had a chat with not so long about my predicament. I once even apologised to her for giving her a dramatic response to her question around me having any more kids "I can't have any more children" I said at the time. Back then I thought thinking like that would finalise things in my head. It didn't. I know better now.
Anyway, this was the woman who sympathised around things saying she had friends who had trouble conceiving their second children blah-de-blah. So I thought she'd have the decorum to stop once the congrats had been given. But no, she decided to harp on about how it was strange explaining to her son that she had a baby in her tummy. Then another MOT-to-be piped up and a discussion started up around how best to teach a preschooler there's another baby on the way. I just got up and walked away. I mean - really!!
I feel on the outside a lot at Playgroup because of my mother-of-one (MOO) status, even though I have many a friendly chat with the Mums there. The majority of Mums have more than one child. Only those with very young children are fellow MOOs, it would seem. I feel like I am in a different world to the MOTs. I so want to be able to share about two different personalities, juggling two children and all that goes with the MOT territory. MOTs have that experience that us MOOs will never have of getting another shot at motherhood and learning more the second time round. For that reason I cannot help but feel inexperienced around MOTs as I've only raised one child - what do I know? I am a former nanny and have a degree in Psych and Educ (Hons) and have worked two Summers in a children's camp in the US yet nothing beats (in my book) the hands-on experience of raising children.
It's kind of like MOOs are stuck in the freshman stage at high school and the MOTs get to move on and even graduate.
I discovered today another MOT at Playgroup goes to the same gym as me. She goes a little less as it's hard for her to make the time within family life. I commented to her that it was relatively easy with "just one". We agreed that I was pretty lucky that I could go as often as I do. (three to four times a week). Doesn't mean I want just one child! I felt like saying to this MOT who is clueless about my secondary IF status.
I had a Nana nap today which was much-needed after my daughter got up at five am. So I had enough energy to make it to the gym tonight which was great. I am loving the gym! After my work-out tonight (bike and weights) I went in the sauna for a bit. Ahhhh. The nights are getting cold here, now we're right into Autumn (Fall), so I think I'll be doing the sauna thing a bit more.
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