Trust In Me, And It'll All Work Out

I've been chatting to God the last couple of days and have asked him to really help me with all this. I am sick of being consumed by IF so I've been asking for help to let go of it all/to let go of my desire to have another child. What He keeps coming back with is Trust In Me, And It'll All Work Out. I've had this message from God before and have posted about it.

It's about leaving God's business up to God and carrying on with the rest of my life. Now by having it all work out, I still don't necessarily think that means my fairy-God mother is going to appear beaming at me sometime soon with a baby cradled in her arms! It'll all work out to me means I will find contentment and happiness and therefore peace again one day around how things pan out. I may not get pregnant again, but then I might! It's all about living in a very gray area which is incredibly hard to do. It's not a black and white yes or a no and I like to think in black and white terms so it is quite the challenge.

I have been making an effort to just embrace my life as it is today. I had a computer-free day yesterday which was good. Although I like to check into Dailystrength daily, I think sometimes checking in means I am just reminded of what I don't have all over again. Whereas yesterday I had a day in which IF was (pretty much) irrelevant to my day. It was a Saturday and my husband worked til eleven am. My daughter was up at six am and it was raining so we had a quiet but busy morning of playdough/puzzles/felt games/colouring and baking. My Mum and husband turned up about the same time so my husband had a bit of a time out and my Mum, daughter and I went into town for a couple of hours. We did go into a baby shop as my sister-in-law had a baby boy (her second child) about a month ago and I wanted to buy something little. Admittedly my feelings flared up a bit in there, as always when looking at baby clothes and toys, but I moved past them.

Yesterday I suggested to my husband that we have one computer-free night a week as we are both pretty bad at switching on the computer and going into our own little worlds. So we did this last night. I got out the DVD Shark vs Eagle which is a New Zealand flick. It's a black romantic comedy but we enjoyed it. The lead female character when making a connection with a depressed character says something like "life has some bad bits but there are lots of lovely bits in-between" which I liked, as that seems to be exactly where I'm at.