IF can be a taboo subject mainly because people on the most part just don't know what to say when the topic is brought up. I certainly don't go round spilling my IF guts out to everyone who crosses my path. However I figure being among Mums all week, I am surely in the company of women who may possibly be a bit more open to hearing about IF. Afterall, these are women who obviously had maternal urges at some point so the strong desire to bear children must be understood on some level. But it continues to amaze me how many Mums just stare at me blankly, lost for words if IF is brought up. I don't get it. Simple, put yourself in my shoes. How would you feel if you couldn't conceive that second , third or fourth child by your side?
It's like dealing with death - for some that is very awkward and therefore it's often easiest to not say anything. My coworker lost her Dad last week and she was at work on Sunday. She was half-laughing about how she was sick of people asking her if she wanted a cup of tea and that her mother's freezer was full of home-baking. I said that's what people did when someone died as often they didn't know what else to do. It's the socially acceptable away of noting you care.
Sometimes I'm not sure if my IF stuff makes others uncomfortable so I don't bring it up. And then I'm pretty sure it goes the other way too - others don't bring it up for fear it makes me uncomfortable! So more than often my IF progress is not noted out there by most of the Mums I cross paths with. Even a MOT friend I can talk with quite freely around lots of topics, including the worrying health decline of her mother recently is silenced when I bring up IF. I often get a "Oh" in response to my latest IF update. I only fill her in every few months or so but the conversation is ended abruptly once IF is mentioned.
Does someone need to write a book on how to converse with infertiles?! I did read in an excellent post about being a good friend to an infertile, that there isn't anything right you can say to an infertile and I believe that much is true. It is very hard from the outside to gauge where an infertile may be in her journey. I certainly go through phases of being stuck in it/letting go of it/ feeling okay with it. So sometimes I don't want to be asked about IF! Sometimes I just want to cherish the fact that I am enjoying what I am doing right then and there and really don't want to give an IF update. Other days I would everything for someone, anyone, to acknowledge my invisible heart-ache.
Now how is an outsider meant to guess this? They can't. One friend once greeted me with "How are you today?" I thought that was a great way to approach things - it gave me a choice as to whether I wanted to go there with IF or not.
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