Cyst still there

I went for a pelvic ultrasound today and yep, the cyst is still there. The radiologist reckoned it was still around 5cm. I'm not sure what to think. On one hand it might possibly shed some light on my IF. On the other hand, it might have nothing to do with it. Guess I have to just wait til I get my next letter from the gyno who will determine whether increasing the Clomid dosage is appropriate or not. I really don't know what the next step will be.

I'm been feeling Gods Will in my day lately and it is helping me let go of the bigger picture. It feels like my hands are off for now. There are new focuses coming my way beyond The World Of IF. God does have other plans for me, I am getting a sense of that now. But right now, it's a time of nurturing and taking it easy. I don't need to push to make other areas of my life flourish. It will happen quite easily, when it's time.

Today when I lay on the hospital bed for my ultrasound my daughter gently touched my hair, as she does sometimes and said Beautiful Mummy a few times. She often says that when I put her to bed at night but at that particular moment, it was truly special. It was such a tender moment and I feel incredibly blessed to have a daughter that I have a very strong emotional connection with.

I have been feeling some gratitude towards the medical world. I mean if it weren't for modern medical technology, I would be oblivious to the fact there's even a cyst in there. So at least it's a factor to be taken into consideration. Every time I go up to Nelson hospital I am reminded of my daughter's entrance into the world. It is very likely that without modern medicine myself and perhaps my daughter may not have survived her delivery. The emergency c-section saved her life and the removal of my ovary shortly afterwards may have saved mine. I'll never know for sure, but God came through on that one with impeccable timing.

I visited friend no. 4 last week and she commented that it was all going to work out in the end. I agree. I am going to get my happy ending. It just may possibly be an ending quite different to the one I had envisioned.