If I

If I ever get a BFP, I will be smiling on the inside (and the outside) for the rest of that pregnancy, if not for the rest of my life.

If I get pregnant again, I will be referring to my pregnancy textbooks in the same way I did with my first as I waited for too long, and worked too hard to just regard this as another pregnancy to be shelfed in the background.

If I fall pregnant, I will cherish all that pregnancy brings. All the aches and pains, nausea, discomfort and the tiredness shall be reminders that I have being blessed with the baby I thought might not come my way.

If I have another child, it will be photographed just as much as the first as I had anticipated being a one-child family and the second child's presence in our home will be truly celebrated.

If I have two children, I will embrace all that two children brings - fighting siblings, finances that are stretched even further, even less time to myself, and a very cosy two bedroomed home.

If I become a MOT, I will never forget the PIs and SIs I have met and will make my experience readily available to share with any infertiles who want to hear it.

If I get another shot at motherhood, my faith in God will be restored. However if I don't get another shot at motherhood, God will bless me in other ways, and some insight as to why this didn't happen for me will be given. Life will go on and I will accept the final outcome in time as I learn from this.