Let Go and Let God

Letting go of my baby dreams and letting God get on with the job seems to be working. I feel as though I am in a much better head space.

Yesterday at work a Mum-of-two (MOT) -to-be came in with her partner, toddler and bump. Instead of just thinking "Lucky cow. God I wish that was me!!", I stopped myself and thought "Well I don't know what's going to happen. That could be me one day." So I'm going to try thinking like that a bit more. The law of attraction thinking didn't work for me as I just think there are times when processes need to be worked through so it is impossible to constantly think "I will get pregnant!" when faced with IF and all that entails. But second-guessing God doesn't help me either. I've no idea what his Will for me is around this. It's not to guess whether or not another baby is on the way. So I'm just going to have to go with the I-don't-know-option for now!

In the meantime, other aspects of my life are getting a chance to breathe again. I've known for some time that IF has cast a shadow over the rest of my life. But today it feels as though the shadow isn't quite so big.

I am thinking again about how I might apply my writing skills in my life. This has taken a back-seat over the last few months with IF. But yesterday at work I helped out in the cafe for a bit and in the two hours I cleared tables, took orders out, and stacked the dishwasher like I did in positions I held around fifteen years ago (!), I did think that actually, I have talents I ought to be using in life. It's an okay job for now and gets me out of the house once a week, but I do feel as though God is prodding me again to start applying myself. So I'm going to start exploring how I might do this.