The Lonely Infertility

I read yesterday somewhere that secondary infertility has been referred to as "the lonely infertility." I could only find one link around that but thought it was very apt. As was another link which referred to SI as being stuck between fertile and infertile worlds. (These are referred on the left under related reading).

Both of these descriptions are very true. SIs end up for the most part outcast from PIs as it is very hard for the average PI to comprehend a SIs pain. Some do "get it", but my experience is they have been in the minority. There is a lot of resentment towards the SI in many PI circles. For this reason even within internet forums, the SI's often form their own communities.

The SIs fertile peers either don't want to know, cannot identity at all, or think the SI is fine as she appears "okay". Meanwhile the fertiles inadvertently flaunt their bumps or siblings complete with stories in front of the SI, blissfully unaware of just how painful it is for the SI to hear about Johnny and Brad's latest squabble. Or how the sight of a preschooler hugging a baby sister or brother is the ultimate form of heartbreak for a SI.

For these reasons secondary infertility is a very lonely road to be on. The SI is stuck in no-mans land between two opposing worlds and she doesn't fit in either of them.

But what I'm learning is that friends, family, and acquaintances all help in their own small ways. I have a couple of friends that want to be there for me that don't/can't understand IF. They try to gain some insight by reading my blog and that means so much to me. But most friends/family/acquaintances don't attempt to connect with me around IF, or if they do, it is very infrequently so I've had to accept that a connection around IF isn't going to happen, on the most part with most people.

Every time someone within my social circle asks about IF I am appreciative of that. Some of the Playgroup Mums check in with me fairly regularly around IF so it is a form of support. Often it never feels like enough but I have to remember those outside The World Of IF are doing the very best they can with the knowledge they have. It always comes back to the fact that fellow SIs are the women who are able to support one another the best. But even that is lonely, in a way. For me, that means being part of a SI community on the internet. I truly value the support I get from Dailystrength but feel somehow being part of such a community has made me feel even more isolated from those I love in my everyday life.