An Off Day

I have been a bit out of sorts today. I wasn't able to put my finger on what exactly was bothering me most of the day as I cannot blame all my bad days on IF. It would be easy to do that wouldn't it but let's face it, even if I was a MOT life would not be a bed of roses the whole time would it. It is good to be reminded of that sometimes.

But I did have quite a bit of anger towards God about IF, and my surgery in particular today. The What ifs have been creeping in: What if the surgery is the beginning of the end? What if I lose my only ovary? What if I biologically can't have any more children and that I'll find that out really soon? I've been thinking I ought to be more optimistic with my What ifs if I must go there. How about: What if it works? What if ovulation returns? What if I can conceive? What if I get pregnant?! Now that's a better way to look at it!

I still haven't received the paperwork from the surgeon which means in my head I cannot completely accept that it's really happening - that it's a done deal. I've been a bit sheepish in revealing my surgery to people too. It's a funny one to bring up with acquaintances - Mums at Playgroup etc.

I went to the mall with my daughter today - it really was a case of Spot the MOTs! My MOT envy was up there big time. Why not me God?? is what I was thinking as I watched MOTs caressing babies heads as they walked around with them in baby slings with a toddler or preschooler in tow.

I just probably need to go to bed early. My MOT envy is bad when I'm tired.I have been a grumpy bear most of the day. I went to the gym tonight and did some weights but felt weak. I'm still coming right after Saturday's stomach bug I guess.